The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

The Cambrian Sea

I want to die but am I even alive? The future is pulling harder and faster than ever. Tomorrow I am going to court for criminal trespassing. I am scared. I want to flee the country. Go on the lamb. Run for my life. The life that I don't even want. That I can't even handle.

Girl of Today

road trippin

Last night I had three different dreams about Polaroid film. The most memorable consisted of me stumbling upon a sale of the film in which if you bought two packs you got the third free. OF COURSE there were only two packs of the film that I wanted left. In the end though I was just happy to be buying the film at all.


I am going on a road trip tomorrow and I am so excited!!!!
Things I must tonight in preparation:
get a new phone
oil change and tire rotation
pick up the D80
clean out my car
wash clothes
pack clothes
get or make snacks for the road
pick up the gps
take a shower
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

vegetables

This morning I forgot my veggie burgers and lima beans so I had to stop by Kroger on my way to my sister's house. It took me about 20 seconds to grab what I needed and head to the register. The woman in front of me was having some problem checking out and the cashier had to walk two separate times across the store to check prices. After waiting 15 minutes I began to grow impatient as the time closed in on 8:00. I then realize that everything is taking so long because the woman in front of me is paying with a welfare check. Alright, I think to myself. No problem. As I am walking out to my car I see the woman who paid with the welfare check loading her groceries into a brand new fully loaded Dodge Magnum. !?!!?!?!?!?! I almost walked up to her to scream in her ear.

As she pulled off the of the dark interstate the parking lot of cars surrounding her quickly became slumbering vampires. Light reflective vampires just waiting for the perfect moment to bite, the perfect moment to ruin an already dense and hateful day. To her vampires always lead to zombies and falling, finally death. Followed furiously by every rejection, and every fear about growing old. Quickly curbed by overwhelming anger. The kind that flows through fists and takes control. Teeth gritted ready to swing. Ready for contact. Is this the stuff that life is made of?

Fit

Sister like Mom
Like Sister like Mom
On and on
It goes on and on
And in and out
In then the out
I push harder
You say harder
Harder
Hardest
Harden
Fuck it.
Like someone once said,
the dead are dancing with the dead.

is this it?

I am itchy all over. I hate mosquitos. I wonder what purpose they serve in nature. I am going to see my Mom on Saturday. I haven't seen her in over a month. I am stupid. I am excited that it is Friday and I am excited that I have no plans except for taking Skye and her Mom to the airport. I just want to be alone and lay in my cold bedroom and watch a movie. Did I mention that I want to be alone? All I can think about is how much I want to be alone.

I need to find something yellow. I probably won't go but if I do I need to find something yellow. Last night I went looking for yellow. I ended up with a large diet cherry limeade, a large jar of pickles, and a large empty feeling in my heart and stomach. Empty. Empty. Empty.