Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mouthful of Diamonds

Making my day...one song at a time.



Thanks Lee!

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Mein Kampf

So I need to write about Inglorious Basterds before I explode. Or implode. Either one, satisfy your fancy.

In the eighth grade my team did a unit on the Holocaust in which we turned the hallway and classrooms into a concentration camp and were made to wear Jewish stars of David. We were given a set of random rules and if you were caught breaking any of those rules they would take your star and you would be constituted as dead. If you forgot your star at home, dead. Randomly throughout the unit, class would be interrupted and we would all be hustled outside and forced to line up. One teacher would walk up and down the line, inspecting our stars, deciding whether today would be the day that we would die. Every morning we would walk underneath a banner that read, "Arbeit Macht Freit," or "Work will set you free." These were the words that loomed over Auschwitz.

Shosanna Dreyfus and Sylvia Plath converged and formed the essence of my struggle. Mein Kampf. Not yours. "Daddy," by Sylvia Plath. Read it. Or if I see you around maybe I will recite it for you.

I didn't lose my star. I was one of 5 that lived.

There, where one burns books, one in the end burns men. -Heinrich Heine
sssssssssssh. To put the virtual pen to the virtual paper. blink. blink. blink.

So what is this that you said now? Where was it that you were?

Right and wrong tread a fine line that really should be just a touch thicker.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Friday, December 25, 2009

I have ceremoniously directed every single family member into the dark hallway bathroom to experience what I can only describe as sheer delight. Shrieks of joy and laughter. Three Silence of the Lambs jokes and one Ghost Hunters. I don't normally like to choose favorites but this year is full of exceptions.

Christmas Day

Another zombie dream last night. Zombies are what I seem to dream about the most. In the dreams I have realized that zombies have begun to attack and I devise some plan of survival. Last night was no exception. At some stranger's house a group of us quickly realize that the party guests have begun the slow descent into zombie territory. Without panic we gather supplies. First food. One girl grabs it all and we divide it among us. I rush to the liquor cabinet. I grab three different types of liquor. My mind racing I think, "we can use this to pour on a cut, or if things get really bad..." Suddenly I begin shouting, "Everyone! don't forget about the liquor cabinet!" Their faces illuminate at my discovery and they too begin filling their bags. We then rush to the basement where we know there to be a makeshift boat that we can escape on. Of course Courtney! Why had I never thought of escape by water before!? Giving my subconscious a mental high five we push the boat to the river and then I woke up.

My zombie dreams occur most frequently when things in my life go really well. I think its my mind's way of saying, "Hey smiles! Listen up! Things might be going well now but anything can happen. You have experienced many a rug pull in your life so snap the fuck out of it. Zombie's could attack for God's sake!"

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Christmas Eve

So lady, what's your deal? Why do you look like you just stepped out of a Texas beauty pageant? Why are you wearing so much goddamn mascara?

If I were a Santa elf at the mall my name would be Sugar Snap. Or Christmas Cookie. Or Dreidel Drone. Basically any two word name with some alliteration.

I am alone at my Mom's house. I took a shower and brushed my teeth at Kelley's sink. I know this because of the razor placement. Also his tooth brush looked like it had just been run through a food processor. The weather outside really is quite frightful but it makes for a more interesting night. The sound of my Mom's Christmas decorations banging on the outside of the house will serenade me to sleep. Tomorrow I plan to eat enough Reeses candy shaped like Christmas trees to put me in a coma.

So guy, why do you keep making dumb jokes about your boring job? Why do you keep expecting me to laugh? Why? WHY? WHY?

Dream Team


Photo by Jason Travis

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Spontaneous nighttime showers that aren't even showers at all. The stuff dreams are made of. Like anything double stuffed or snow.

Friday, December 18, 2009

We all endure alot. The whole lot of us. It seems to me that innocence is a quiet place where we wait until degradation. Where I once waited. God just give it back.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Fantasy In Lights: Calloway Gardens
Tears were shed.




Monday, December 7, 2009

While people watching at the MARTA station tonight I remembered a time when my favorite things to wear were my over sized Adidas jacket and my Timberland boots. I would pull my hair back everyday and I would cover my mouth to laugh so that no one could see my braces. Sometimes I find that I still do that. It is funny how we change everyday in some small way and yet still are the same. Learning to tie shoes and lonely ice cream socials. Graduation trolls and sea sick ceiling fans. Jill is hot and bicycle circles.

I want to be this happy forever.

The Armchair Christmas Party




Photos taken by Jason Travis

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Friday, November 27, 2009

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Fantastic Mr. Fox

The apple may not look real, but at least it has stars on it.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Lights

So what do I do now? On the ever pressing and perceptual path to self discovery it can all get so overwhelming. Explanations never suffice. As more is found, more is needed. Less is articulated. Lights seem to make it a little better. Aware. I guess that is the nature of what they do. What they are for. I don't feel like telling you. Just know already. Just feel it. Just get me. Make me want to know more. Make me want to get devoured slowly and unknowingly. Come now. Let's just be honest. Don't just nod your head here.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Lifeboats

Lifeboats:
Clinging to each others genitals like lifeboats
it was clear, at least to me,
that we were both looking to get saved. -me

Xerox Candy Bar:
Ah,
you're just a copy
of all the candy bars
I've ever eaten -Richard Brautigan

Excerpt from Lady Lazarus:
Dying,
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

"A miracle!"
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart-
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash-
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there-

A cake of soap.
A wedding ring.
A gold filling.

Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air. -Sylvia Plath

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Seventeen Again

Yesterday at Scottish Rite the radiologist asked me how old I was. Apparently you have to be 18 to be around the radiation equipment and APPARENTLEY I look SEVENTEEN! Needless to say I was not flattered. I wonder how old I will be when I finally appreciate the fact that I look young.

In the meantime...I love this self portrait that Jason Travis took. Look at it too.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Monday, November 9, 2009

Blueberry

I seemed to have aquired some sort of dreadlock in the back of my head and I have spent the better part of the night attempting to get it out. Tropical storm Ida seems to incite Rastafarianism. This morning was strange but I got some hashbrowns out of it.



This week has been fun as blueberry, apple and pumpkin pie.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Monday, September 21, 2009

Leah Faye


I haven't written for a while but I will take the last 15 minutes of my lunch break at work to do so. Life has flown by these past few weeks. Leah Faye was born Tuesday, September 15, 2009. She was 8lbs 6oz. I am not sure what life has in store for me next but for some reason I am terrified.

Sunday, August 23, 2009