So lady, what's your deal? Why do you look like you just stepped out of a Texas beauty pageant? Why are you wearing so much goddamn mascara?
If I were a Santa elf at the mall my name would be Sugar Snap. Or Christmas Cookie. Or Dreidel Drone. Basically any two word name with some alliteration.
I am alone at my Mom's house. I took a shower and brushed my teeth at Kelley's sink. I know this because of the razor placement. Also his tooth brush looked like it had just been run through a food processor. The weather outside really is quite frightful but it makes for a more interesting night. The sound of my Mom's Christmas decorations banging on the outside of the house will serenade me to sleep. Tomorrow I plan to eat enough Reeses candy shaped like Christmas trees to put me in a coma.
So guy, why do you keep making dumb jokes about your boring job? Why do you keep expecting me to laugh? Why? WHY? WHY?
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